


I Think I'm In Love (Again)

by kierathefangirl



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Bullying, Fluff, Human AU, I honestly don't know how or why I wrote this, Lots of Angst, Lovi's backstory is actual hell, M/M, Really deep metaphors, angsty, dark af backstories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 12:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierathefangirl/pseuds/kierathefangirl
Summary: The cop with fire in his melted chocolate brown eyes and his desperate fiery-voiced teenage son leaping to Lovi's defense is the first thing that really matters beyond surviving for Feli until tomorrow.





	1. Leave Him Alone!

**Author's Note:**

> Started with a Nightcore of I Think I'm In Love (Again) so it's named after it. (This one on repeat forever and ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGyKD_5REjs)
> 
> First person limited POV, perspective changes by chapter, identified at beginning of chapters.
> 
> Very dark backstories with lots of trigger warnings, mainly abuse triggers. What Lovi calls "bullying" is totally harassment & abuse but (sadly) he's so used to it he just brushes it off (which really happened in real life with real abuse).
> 
> I am IN NO WAY condoning anything that's happening in this story. I think this was written in one of my depressive spells as a coping mechanism and this was just how I felt inside.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cops arrive...and get more than they bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: graphic depictions of violence. I'm so sorry for this chapter...

**_~Lovi~_ **

My throat convulses on the bitter blood, protesting the contact with something that it shouldn’t ever touch. The large hand closes tighter on my raw skin, slamming me back into the red brick wall of the dark, rain-dappled alley. _This is it,_ I find myself thinking. _This is the last time. I’m dead._

The quiet of my muted protests is broken by the screeching of angry car tires. Cops leap out of dark undercover cars, and one cop in particular approaches Hayden. Labelled police department convoys block off the end of the alley past the wall so they can’t leap the trash bin and escape.

_Who on Earth called the cops? Because bless the asshole that just saved my life._

The cop lifts his stun gun at Hayden’s face. “Drop the boy and back away slowly. Put your hands on your head.”

I shake my head at the cop. He’ll see the panic on my eyes; I don’t have to explain. “ _Please._ ”

The cop’s eyes clash with mine for a moment. There’s a fire in his melted chocolate brown eyes, and I can see the soft concern disguised behind the anger.

Time slows down. Hayden throws me into the trash bin, and my back slams into the rippled navy green metal. Pain tears my skin apart, blood everywhere. I hit the ground hard enough to bounce and skid for a minute. I don’t try to get up, even though I want to; getting up would make it hurt worse.

I groan. My head is swimming like I’m hundreds of feet underwater even though I lay on cold, damp, rocky, very much solid concrete. “Fuck,” I mutter. I’m _so_ screwed. Sebastian is going to find out about this; Hayden just made his last fatal mistake.

A teenager breaks from the back of the crowd as Hayden moves to hit me again, a fiery voice breaking through the din to shout angrily, “Leave him alone!”

“ _Tony,_ ” the warm fire-cop warns with a hiss.

The teenager—Tony—doesn’t heed the cop’s warning. He steps forward. “Oi!”

Hayden turns stupidly. _There._

The nearest stun-gun fires, and Hayden hits the ground. His friends leap the brick wall, straight into the jaws of the shark that awaits them on the other side.

Tony deflates once Hayden is down. He turns to the cop. “Dad, that kid—his name’s Hayden. He’s bullied me before. It’s thanks to Gil I’m still alive after how hard he hit me. I’m _not_ letting this happen to someone else.”

“It’s _dangerous_ , Antonio,” the cop snaps, lowering his gun. “I told you not to get involved!”

So it’s _Toni._ With an i. Hm.

Toni grits his teeth. “I know. I didn’t get close enough to get hit. I just got him to back the fuck off—and _that_ ’s what matters.”

The cop makes a sound of frustration, throws his hands in the air, and holsters his gun. “Whatever.”

The cop softens and makes his way over to me. The other cops begin to leave now that the immediate danger is gone, but this one kneels at my side and mutters a couple curses. He shifts his eyes to his son. “Call Gil.”

“That bad?”

The cop nods. “He’s coughing up blood. We need a doctor. Call your dumb friend.”

Toni grimaces slightly at the insult to his friend, but he pulls a nice smartphone from his pocket and dials a number I vaguely recognize.

I pull my phone from my pocket with shaky fingers and unlock it. The screen has a smear of blood on it now.

The cop turns his eyes back to me. He crooks an eyebrow at me. “What are you—?”

“Fratelli,” I answer softly.

“What?”

“He means _brothers_ ,” Toni translates easily. “I’ve heard Feli say that before.”

My fingers find their shaky way to Feli’s number, and I send a text: “ _Hospital. Hayden again. Be careful. ~Lovi_ ”

“Lovi,” the cop reads.

I glance up for a moment, then hit _send_. Toni blinks. “Lovino Vargas.”

I nod, then back out from Feli and I’s conversation and text Sebastian. More blood is getting on my screen, but that’ll come off. I can wash it; I’ve done it before.

“ _Don’t be surprised if you get a panicked call from Feli. I’m coughing up blood and I told him I’ll be in the hospital. Also we may need a lawyer once I wake back up. Love you. ~Lovi_ ”

I hit _send_ , wait for it to go through, then turn the smooth and cold screen dark and use my jacket sleeve to wipe the blood off. The cop gently takes my phone once it’s clean. “I’ll get it to your brother so he can plug it in.”

I nod, and my hand falls. Toni kneels down and lays a feather-light hand over mine. “He won’t get away with this.”

“Sebastian will kill him,” I agree. “I know.”

“Sebastian?”

“Ask Feli.”

Toni still looks a little confused, but he lets it go. The cop seems to understand though, asking, “He’s your brother, isn’t he? You said _brothers_ , not brother.”

I nod slightly, calmly. “Older brother.”

“Ah.”

Comprehension dawns on Toni’s porcelain face just as the weak winter sun peeks over the tops of the buildings to highlight the congealing pools of blood on the walls and floor of the narrow alley. “Oh.”

The cop casts a nervous glance around. Toni presses the smartphone to his ear. A deep, thickly accented voice crackles through, asking a question. Toni shakes his head. “We need your dad.”

“That bad?” the voice crackles.

Toni shuts his eyes. “There’s blood everywhere and there’s blood coming out of his mouth. So yes. Also, get Feli. This is his brother Lovi. We need your dad. Tell your dad to track my phone.”

A hint of panic fills the guy’s voice. Toni breathes. “No. No, no, no, he’s _conscious_ , he’s _awake_ . He’s conscious—enough to speak to us and text his brothers. But he’s— _gods_ , he needs help. Badly. It was Hayden. The cops have him and his friends now but Lovi needs help. He’s going to pass out soon.”

The voice calms just a little. Toni nods. “Sí. See you soon.”

Toni pulls the phone from his cold red-tipped ear and pockets it. The cop looks relieved. “They’re coming?”

Toni nods. The cop breathes slowly. “Good.”

Now that everything’s been taken care of, I close my eyes. I only hear their voices for a moment before everything goes deeper underwater and I slip into blackness.


	2. Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lovi is drugged AF in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never actually been drugged in a hospital...this is what I imagined it would be like. Bear with me here.

**_~Lovi~_ **

I feel like I’m swimming. I know people usually feel like they’re flying free, then you fall when you wake up; I feel like I have the weight of the ocean over me. When I wake up, I will rise. But right now, these drugs drag me down to the deepest, darkest pits of the water. These drugs push my conscious further from my body. I hold on for fear of drowning in an ocean of death, but even my tightest hold will not last. I need help, I need a way out. They need to lessen the drugs. But how do I tell them that when my body is so far from me? When my swollen neck and tongue lie limp in the cavern of my corpse? How do I tell them to save me? How do I save myself?

After awhile of floundering and clinging desperately to my body, my grip slips. The heart monitor misses a couple beats. I flat-line. Then I get a firm grip again, holding onto the rock that is my body so tightly that my fingers ache. I don’t normally think in such dark metaphors, but the drugs have opened up a whole new part of me I didn’t know existed.

The heart monitor beeps again. “Turn the drugs down,” Feli says as if he knows. “Turn them down.”

“We can’t,” the dim-witted doctors and nurses say. “We can’t.”

I shut my eyes on the inside. I breathe. Then I pull. The heart monitor jumps erratically, then flat-lines as I slip, then jumps again.

I open my eyes. _Please, Feli. Tell them again. Tell them._

Feli turns to the tall doctor. “Please,” he begs with those puppy eyes, tears threatening to overflow. “Turn the drugs down. He’ll die.”

The doctor grumbles a bit, but he moves forward and fiddles with something. I rise back to the surface, choking up water and blood and panting and shaking. But my body doesn’t even twitch, other than a weak cough and the slightest flick of my fingers. A thank you.

Feli seems to understand the thanks even without words. He moves forward to touch my fingers. “He’s cold. Too cold. Something’s wrong. He’s never like this.”

 _Please,_ I beg. _Tell them. You’re the only one who understands._

The doctor turns the drugs down again. The nurses protest. I breathe, and heat fills my body bag of skin. Feli, breathes, too. “He’s breathing again.”

_Thank you._

“He’ll wake up,” one of the nurses protests.

“He was already unconscious when he got here,” Feli tells them stiffly. “He won’t wake up. He just won’t die of overdose.”

My fingers twitch slightly on his. I manage to squeeze his hand, but that’s all the energy I have.

Feli smiles a little, and his tension eases. He squeezes my hand back and quietly says, “Prego, fratello. Siate più attenti la prossima volta.” ( _You’re welcome, brother. Be more careful next time._ )

“You know he can’t hear you,” one of the nurses says.

Feli scoffs. “He hears me. He’s calm now.”

“What?”

“Empathic,” the doctor says.

Feli laughs. “You could call it that, yeah. He’s my brother; I know what he’s thinking and how he’s feeling. Seb taught me how to hear him. It’s useful.”

_Good. Because they’re fucking idiots. I can’t wake up, I’m too drugged for that. I’m just not drugged enough for it to kill me._

Feli giggles. The doctor sighs. “What now?”

“He said you’re idiots,” Feli shrugs. “And he can’t wake up because he’s too drugged for that, he’s just not dying anymore.”

“Idiots?” one of the nurses demands. “We spent years in school!”

 _School doesn’t make you smart,_ I protest. _It just makes them cocky that they know what they’re doing even when they don’t._

Feli grins. “School doesn’t make anyone smart. He says it just makes you cocky that you know what you’re doing even when you really don’t. He knows how drugged he was. You can’t say he doesn’t know enough to understand. He’s the one feeling himself die.”

_I couldn’t’ve said it better myself._

Feli giggles, and I know he heard me. I settle down to wait out the long night, praying to whatever God there may be for the first time in years. I pray that I will survive this, that Feli and Sebastian will be okay, and that these doctors and nurses won’t be the end of me. I pray that we will survive. I pray I get another chance with Toni, that mysterious boy who saved me. I pray that everything will be okay.


	3. ‘Maria Domenica Vargas’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gil, Francis, and Toni discover something new about Lovi that Lovi isn't ready to talk about just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about three months after Hayden. Lovi has already befriended Gil & Toni.

**_~Lovi~_ **

“Maria! Hey, long time no see!”

I curse and turn. Toni and his friends look bewildered; I still haven’t told them I’m trans.

It’s one of my old friends from Catholic school in Italy, Giovanni. He’s one of the ones who still called me Maria instead of Lovino, even when I told him not to. I made no efforts to contact him, mainly for this reason.

Giovanni’s smile falters for a moment. I close my eyes for a minute. “I told you to call me  _ Lovino _ , Giovanni. I’m  _ not _ a girl.”

Giovanni blinks a bit. I’m not usually so forceful, but this is right in front of my friends, people I like and don’t want to chase off.

“But your name’s—”  he starts to protest.

To my surprise, Toni moves to my side and cuts him off. “What his name is or was doesn’t—and  _ shouldn’t _ —matter. Call him what he wants to be called.”

Toni takes my hand in his and stares Giovanni down. I close my hand lightly on his, then give him a bewildered look. “Toni—”

“Don’t,” Toni insists forcefully. Then he lowers and softens his voice. “My  _ name _ is Antonio Fernández Carriedo. I go by Toni. What your  _ name  _ is doesn’t  _ matter _ .”

“But Domenica—” Giovanni begins to protest.

I close my eyes and set my jaw, then lift my eyes to glare at him. “For Christ’s sake, it’s _ Lovino _ . Last chance. I don’t respond to Maria or Domenica anymore.”

Giovanni blinks. I step closer to Toni. Toni takes the hint to back me up, and he puffs himself up to twice his usual size. “Get it  _ right _ or _ leave _ . His  _ name _ is  _ Lovino _ .”

Gil moves forward too, and Francis. They both move to my side, bristling and ready to back me up.

Giovanni backs down. He turns and walks away. Toni deflates, and so do his friends. I breathe and collapse into him.

“You’re transgender,” Francis accuses.

I flinch. “Maybe. It doesn’t matter.”

Toni wraps an arm around me. “What he was doesn’t matter. What he  _ is  _ is the only thing that does.”

I shut my eyes. “It’s fine. I figured it would come up eventually.”

“It’s still not okay,” Toni insists.

“So you really are trans?” Francis asks again.

I open my eyes. “Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Dude, I’m so sorry,” Gil says. He sounds like he means it, but I don’t even know what he’s apologizing for.

“For what?”

“Your family,” Gil explains. “I don’t imagine it would be easy to deal with them what with…y’know. Feli seemed to indicate Italy wasn’t easy.”

“Oh.” I drop my eyes. “No, it wasn’t. I’m trans  _ and _ gay. My brothers are bi and Feli is trans too. It was fucking hell. But we got out and that’s what really matters.”

“Jeeze,” Gil mutters. “Me being bi and Ludwig being gay was hard enough. Let alone…all that.”

Toni grumbles slightly under his breath. He still has a protective arm around me, which is abnormal—but in a good way. It’s sweet, far kinder than I’m used to. His touch is gentle and just holds me to him, rather than picking me up and throwing me across a room or on the ground or into a wall or something like  _ that _ , something like what I’m used to. He’s different than I’m used to. I like him.

I snuggle against Toni, encouraging the affection. I’ve never mentioned it to them, but I love hugs and snuggles. I don’t know what it is exactly; the feeling of being held? The feeling of being wanted?

Toni wraps his other arm around me, too. He seems like he doesn’t mind either.

“Oh-honhon,” Francis laughs. “You little lovebirds.”

Toni pulls me around against his front and buries his face in my shoulder. For once, he doesn’t answer his friend. He just pulls me in and snuggles me.

“I didn’t know you liked snuggles,” Toni chuckles quietly.

“After how shitty my fucking family treated me?” I scoff a little. “Anything that doesn’t hurt or make me uncomfortable is good.”

“Yeah,” Toni empathizes, “I get that. They aren’t gonna hurt you ever again.”

“I believe you. I saw your reaction to Hayden.”

He laughs. “Yeah.”

“Just be careful,” I warn. I pull back enough to make eye contact. “They’re dangerous.”

“I promise,” he draws a cross over his heart.

I hide my face in his chest, warm and safe. “Okay.”


End file.
